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Poetry Departure — A Starseed's Musings

Updated: Jan 25, 2021

Growing up Mormon, I believed God and Jesus expected a great deal of me. It was a burden I experienced with great deliberation and weight. It put my tender heart in a state of constant anxiety. I would find moments of relief, as one was meant to, but always was that expectation there of perfection. Always hummed the need of obedience, compliance, stead-fastness. Hell loomed large for me as a child. Every wicked thought that crossed my mind was a nail in my personal cross. I often drowned in agony of insecurity and doubt and self-hatred. But growing older has its advantages. Learning other ways. Exploring the beliefs of others in the world can help separate one from the rigid believes of being raised in a one-religion, one-sacred book, one-god religion. I never adopted another religion after leaving Mormonism, but saw them merely as fingers pointing at the moon — "The finger that points at the moon, is not the moon," Zen Koan.


Here is a poem dealing with this struggle and the added perspective of growth and age...



If God saw through your eyes

what would He change?

would his commandments matter

if he wore your shoes?


If he cried your tears

would he understand?

Would he pass no more judgment?

would he require no more of you?


If god saw through your eyes

would she contain that blood

throbbing in your veins?

would she cradle that child?

hold your head close to her heart?


if god saw through your eyes

would he come down off his throne

spend a day in a body

broken

disfunctional

a mind enslaved

drugged

and still expect himself to rise above?


If god saw through your eyes

would she send you away

give you a weekend

wrap your body in a grove of trees

massage your hands

bathe burning feet in a cool spring?


If god saw through your eyes

would he kneel at the side of your bed

and say:

I’m sorry

For what I said

For everything you thought I wanted of you

Rest

my sweet friend

taking on this flesh

was more than enough


If god saw through your eyes

would she

say: Forget It

you’re coming home

you’ve done enough

no more guilt

no more shame

no more hurt

no more pain


There is beauty here

and you deserve it all

I never required anything of you

I’m sorry you ever thought so…


SMC May 1, 2016 ©


image sarahjoyyoga



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